Holding Time

I have always been a very impatient person. I will pay extra for something to be done 5 minutes faster. Time is more valuable to me than money. I feel like money is replaceable. I can never get moments back. My husband disagrees with me on this regularly. Money is more valuable than time because it represents the future for him. He lives very much in the future. I live in the present. Some people live in the past. I honestly can't even remember 5 minutes ago. And the future is never certain as evidenced everyday to me in my profession (a nurse). Jax adds a whole new dynamic. As an infant, he only knows the present. He has not learned the value of a dollar or what things cost. He also does not understand time or its relevance. In my job and life, I am always trying to figure out how to make things more efficient so I can do more in my present time. With Jax, there is a new element to life and presence. He takes, no... he holds time. I have to feed him slowly as he is learning and enjoying each and ever bite. He likes to play the same game over and over again and giggle with delight as though it is the first time he has played. He likes us to sit and stare at each other as he explores my face with his hands. He knows how to be present. It's all he knows in fact. With Jax, efficiency is not a goal. Enjoying and discovering are what he is interested in. My present mentality is shifting because of him. I ditch efficiency for a smile or to hold him while he cries. He is who I want to be present for. Patience is being learned as I am discovering the beauty of embracing moments that may get other tasks behind, but that I may never experience again. Or that Jax may never experience again. I am giving him my time and it may be one of the best gifts I can give him. "Come. Let us rest awhile..." Let us be fully present in the moments that matter most. With our friends, families, strangers, coworkers, and most of all God. God has so many moments for us that we rush by and miss. Lord, help us to know when to stop and when to go. Like the game "red light green light." Guide us to what matters most and let the other things fall by the wayside. Make us good stewards of every moment that You have blessed us with. Amen.

Peas and Bananas

One of the best things about being a parent is all the "firsts." To watch his little face enlighten with joy as he embarks on a new discovery is priceless. Jax is almost 6 months now, so the discoveries are starting to happen daily as his little mind is awakening and his sight and mobility have strengthened to capture more of what is around him. Crawling is coming too soon...My favorite recent adventures have been new foods. At about 5 months and one week we started him on solids. I'll never forget his first bite (he does the same thing with each new food). He pauses, moves the pureed item around in his mouth for a couple of seconds, looks at me, and then quickly opens his mouth for another bite! Peas were his first experiment. And he gave me this look like, "Why have you been holding out on me?" Today we did bananas for the first time. His first "sweet" food. And again, I got the face of magical wonder as he tasted the deliciousness of his first fruit. My life is so much more exciting than it was before Jax. As he experiences and sees everything for the first time, I feel as though I am too. I find myself wanting to eat his food even though I've had it a million times before. But somehow his is so much better than what I take for granted. I am excited to show him his first squirrell (sp?). I can't wait to make his first snowman. It will be amazing to run in the rain for the first time. And, oh! when he understands and experiences the love of Jesus as His own. Life is fresh, new, and ALIVE again in more ways than I could have imagined. May this be our experience with God as well. May we rekindle and find that first love, that first passion, and thrive in the experience of His grace.