Placenta Accreta/Increta uh, what?!

So, I went in for my scheduled c-section on April 11 at 5 am. Scarlett was already giving me labor pains 3-4 minutes apart; so this was her day ready or not! The nurses on the OB floor were all whispering about me. Isn't she our lactation counselor? Why is she having a repeat c-section. She would be a perfect candidate for a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean section)? And, they are right. I would be. And this was the looks I was used to from the last ten months of judgment when I would tell people I was doing a repeat by choice. But I couldn't shake it! Everytime I would pray about it or even think about a VBAC this overwhelming dread would come over me. I shared this with some of my friends and a couple of nurses that I work with - I just felt like I would hemorrhage or maybe even die if I had a vaginal birth. I'd felt that way my whole life. So, when I had to do an emergency c-section on my first one, I felt a little relieved. But, fear is normal, I would tell myself. Everyone is afraid, but this was different. So, in the middle of my repeat, my nurse turns to me and says, "Hey, you were right. If you would have delivered vaginally you would have hemorrhaged and we would have had to do an emergency hysterectomy on you to try and save your life." Excuse me...what was that? And then my doctor preceded to tell me that I had something called placenta increta which google shared with me is a disorder where the placenta embeds too deeply in the uterus and causes major damage when delivered, sometimes into your muscle, sometimes into your organs. And it gets worse with each pregnancy. Thankfully, we had decided not to have any more, so the doc just tied things up and called it a day. A friend of mine heard me share this and told me a lady in her church died last year who had the same thing. They weren't able to get enough blood to her in time...I can't imagine my children being without their mother. I can't imagine what would have happened had I listened to the seemingly sound voices around me. I'm just thankful for that still small voice that guides me sometimes without me even knowing to the right or to the left.

PUPPP and JAX

Jax was due on May 2, 2011. At 35 weeks into my pregnancy I developed a rash around my belly button. The itching drove me crazy, but isolated in one place it was tolerable. Within the next two weeks it spread to my arms, legs, butt, and whole stomach. The doctor had me on Benadryl and Zyrtec everyday with some hydrocortisone cream. Nothing helped! It felt like I had poison oak all over my body and could get no relief. The only momentary alleviation was when I would take a cold bath which was another kind of misery within itself. I was diagnosed with a rare disorder called PUPPP.

The only cure is birth! This is so miserable I can't even begin to explain. I was able to wait until 37 1/2 weeks but my PUPPP began to multiply by the hour and so my OBGYN recommended a rushed C-section if his lungs were developed enough. They were! PTL! So Jax came on April 14, 2011. After a short NICU stay for him (for antibiotics) and a speedy recovery for me, we were home after two days.

Unfortunately, it still takes PUPPP a couple of weeks to disappear. So, here I am miserable AND have this new-born baby. Prayer was my constant! It was to slowest two weeks of my life and now I am itch-free (though i did get a small case of poison oak after, the irony) and loving Mommyhood with all its challenges and joys.
Everyone told me before I had a baby that it would change my life forever. And though this is true, I would more accurately say in my experience that it changed my heart. Something happened when Jax was born from the first cry as he came out of the womb. Suddenly the world looks different. It looks more tangible and full of life and humans are more beautiful and I have a strange new compassion I didn't have before. God looks different. He looks colorful and wild and soft. The love He has for us is amplified through my baby's eyes. For the first week I cried when I would look at him and it was just the two of us. Im sure some of this was postpartum, but it was also experiencing a deeper love than I had ever experienced before. And then came fear of losing him. And then came a minute fraction of understanding of how it must have been to give His Son on the cross. And then came trust that if He was able to give up this great love for us that He would always have my best and Jax's best in mind so that no matter what happens, and no matter what pain we may experience, He will give us strength to endure and heal our broken hearts until the day comes when we are all in harmony face to face abounding in love with no more separation and no more death. Life is forever changed...