Okay, so it has been 1000 years since I've written. Its amazing how your entire life can change around a little person. Since my last post, I have changed careers. I am now a lactation counselor, so I can be home more and live more flexibly. I quit my masters program because I was resenting anything that took time away from Jax that was not necessary. I have travelled to Australia, Seattle, California, Michigan, Maryland, Nebraska, Florida, and am presently in Chicago. Through all these travels discovered teh importance of the minivan club. We officially joined this week! And, in two short months we will bw adding a new little creature to the world - Baby Scarlett Ashtyn (but I reserve the right to change the name up until the day she is born, so don't monogram anything!). And in all of this hustle and transitioning, it can feel sometimes like you are losing yourself. Who was I before Jax? What did I do with my time? Are my skills and gifts diminishing? Will I ever get my brain back since my first pregnancy? And these questions are difficult because the reality is - I will never be the same. Being a Mommy has fundamentally changed my view of life, values, spirituality, and of myself. There is no going back. Through Jax I am becoming more organized, clean, responsible, and loving though other character traits are being left behind like spontaneity, independence, and ambition. I am losing some of my nursing skills and gaining skills in discipline, time management, and breastfeeding :) Many say my brain will never return, but that is the process of life as mind and body degenerate over time I hope my heart continues to grow and beat wth greater endurance and strength to prevail in whatever comes my way. And spiritually, things are just DIFFERENT. I have no consistent prayer or worship life, but I definitely feel my need of Him more. And while my swirling life is in constant change, God remains the same. He does not shift as I so often do, His love for me is constant and present and available for all of life's transitions.