Holding Time

I have always been a very impatient person. I will pay extra for something to be done 5 minutes faster. Time is more valuable to me than money. I feel like money is replaceable. I can never get moments back. My husband disagrees with me on this regularly. Money is more valuable than time because it represents the future for him. He lives very much in the future. I live in the present. Some people live in the past. I honestly can't even remember 5 minutes ago. And the future is never certain as evidenced everyday to me in my profession (a nurse). Jax adds a whole new dynamic. As an infant, he only knows the present. He has not learned the value of a dollar or what things cost. He also does not understand time or its relevance. In my job and life, I am always trying to figure out how to make things more efficient so I can do more in my present time. With Jax, there is a new element to life and presence. He takes, no... he holds time. I have to feed him slowly as he is learning and enjoying each and ever bite. He likes to play the same game over and over again and giggle with delight as though it is the first time he has played. He likes us to sit and stare at each other as he explores my face with his hands. He knows how to be present. It's all he knows in fact. With Jax, efficiency is not a goal. Enjoying and discovering are what he is interested in. My present mentality is shifting because of him. I ditch efficiency for a smile or to hold him while he cries. He is who I want to be present for. Patience is being learned as I am discovering the beauty of embracing moments that may get other tasks behind, but that I may never experience again. Or that Jax may never experience again. I am giving him my time and it may be one of the best gifts I can give him. "Come. Let us rest awhile..." Let us be fully present in the moments that matter most. With our friends, families, strangers, coworkers, and most of all God. God has so many moments for us that we rush by and miss. Lord, help us to know when to stop and when to go. Like the game "red light green light." Guide us to what matters most and let the other things fall by the wayside. Make us good stewards of every moment that You have blessed us with. Amen.