One month ago I had to rejoin the ranks of the U.S. working force and leave my baby boy to the care of...others. Don't get me wrong, I have some amazing caretakers. My husband watches him on Sundays or Fridays and my friend, Michelle (who is an OB nurse) watches him on Wed or Thur. I'm only working two days a week, but at two different hospitals. Each of them begging for me to work more days each week. This is a problem. I will NOT be away from my baby more than two days a week. I may help with a half shift on occasion, but no more than that. Not only can I not handle being away from him more emotionally, but i feel like I physically ache when I am away from him too much and I feel sick to my stomach. They are little for only a short amount of time and I am jealous of that time. I am jealous when he giggles for the first time at the babysitters house.I am jealous when someone else is holding him. I am jealous for every smile. I want to experience these precious moments with him and when he gets older and its time for him to experience things on his own than I will have to learn to let go, but not at 3 months old! I have jealousy issues. This got me thinking about how the Lord feels about us. "For you shall worship no other god, for the Lord is a jealous God" Ex. 34:14, "For the Lord your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God" Deut. 4:24, "Thus says the Lord, 'I am jealous for Zion with great jealousy, and I am jealous for her with great wrath.'" The Lord is jealous for us. He feels the ache of separation when we separate ourselves from him through our choices and sins. He is jealously desiring our attention and reconciliation with Him regularly. So much so that He was willing to be separated from His own Son through Hell and back in order to be with us. I can't imagine that kind of separation from my son. What powerful Love!
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